Saying Yes too often is Saying Yes to Stress.

I have been doing a lot of work on my own health lately. I finally started studying Tai Chi seriously with Mearl Thompson (http://www.ancientharmonytaichi.com/HarmonyTaiChi.htm). I get massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, energy work, or psychotherapy if I need it. And let's all face it, life is stressful enough that each and every one of us can use all these therapies and more in a given week along with the services of a personal chef and nutritionist!! Two places I store my stress are my jaw and my neck.

I've just begun to realize that all this self care can be wasted effort if I don't curb another habit I have. I say yes to most everything. I don't stop and think seriously if I have time for it. Of course, I want to help, want to come, want to copy that article, want to listen to that problem. When the to do list gets too long I wake up clenching my jaw. When I can't get it all done I hunch up my shoulders by my ears.

All my time and effort isn't wasted. Tai Chi in particular cultivates an amazing relaxation of body and mind while giving your body an excellent workout. But the real work for me is to kick my bad habit of saying yes indiscriminately. Most of us have a bad habit we need to kick. It could be negative thinking, or staying up late, or reaching for junk food if we're upset. Kicking a habit isn't easy. You need to have a plan and be persistent and self aware.

Steps to Kicking a Bad Habit:
1. Become self aware. Learn to pay attention to your body, mind and emotions. Before you can change something you must become aware of it.

2. Make a decision to change. Define the habit and the problems it is causing in your life.

3. Make a plan. Lay out for yourself the steps to take INSTEAD of doing what you usually do.

4. Be persistent. It takes at least 30 days to change a habit. A habit is a behavior that you do without conscious thought.

5. Be kind to yourself. Do not beat yourself up if you slip up. Congratulate yourself on your self awareness and correct the situation if you can.

6. Reward yourself if this motivates you.

7. Share your plan if you need the support of a friend.

In my own case, I will be starting with the plan to say things like, "Thank you so much for inviting me!! Let me check my schedule and get back to you." And when I go automatically with my habit, I will be saying "I'm so sorry, but I am really overbooked that day. Could we get together on another day instead?" And the rewards of doing this work will be great as I wake up rested and without a tight jaw!!

Good luck on identifying and kicking your own bad habits. Please contact me if you questions or comments or want help with this process through Acupuncture and Herbal Medicine.

Back to Breathing...Again

Hi all,
This blog is to remind myself and to remind you about things you can focus on each week to feel better. I've talked about breathing, but I'm going to go there again. Deep breathing down into your belly with full relaxed breaths tell your system that things are o.k., that you are o.k., and that your body doesn't need to produce a mass of stress chemicals and go into fight or flight. A lot of people are reporting some major stress in their lives. While deep breathing won't find you a job, it will make you appear more relaxed and a good candidate during the interview. It will help you to think more clearly. Fight or flight sends all the blood to your muscles instead of your brain and stomach! So chronic stressing may lead to ulcers or IBS or feeling fuzzy and exhausted. Do yourself a HUGE favor and when you feel upset, anxious, afraid, exhausted, or confused. Shut your eyes and take three deep breaths that reach your lower belly. If you have time take ten deep breaths. If you're really tense, then take twenty or as many as you need to fully relax. Tell yourself that things will work out. Ask your mind to show you the opportunities that are lurking in the shadows. There could be a fantastic opportunity right there, but you may be looking right past it. Get some support, drink some water, exercise and don't let yourself get into the habit of drinking or doing drugs to ESCAPE. In the end you will have spent your money and made yourself feel worse.

Bandwidth in Haiti: How to Take the Stress out of Communication

This week I wanted to share something I found interesting. On NPR they said the most reliable way to communicate in Haiti is via text messages. These messages don't take up much room, they wait patiently for the network to be free and they go back and forth easily. I have personally been a bit resistant to texting. It's not as personal and I have an old phone. However, it's quick and straight forward.

With information being so easy to transfer, many of us are struggling with a bombardment of evites, invitations, and emails. Trying to handle all the data is stressful and trying to make sure you are not missing the things that are important to you can be difficult.

Take the stress out of communicating by putting some simple rules in place.
1. Only check your e-mails 1-2 times a day. It's a big time waster and easy to get into the habit of doing when you're not sure what your next task is.
2. Make your own communications clear and straightforward, that way it is easier for others to answer you with the information you NEED!
3. Everyone is getting bombarded with lots of calls and invitations, so don't take it personally if you don't get a response the first time. Call them again if you know you are important to them. They will appreciate it.
4. Take half an hour to sit and write down the most important things that need to get done each week. Write down your goals. Are you focusing more on your health this week? Get specific. If you want to make time to go home early and cook dinner two times this week, then don't sabotage yourself by agreeing to do something else. We only have so much time and energy and your own goals are important. Start saying NO from the start for things that are not on this list.

Remember to keep your "bandwidth" open for the things that matter the most.

Good Communication Helps Your Health

Too often, when something is bothering us, we stuff it. It sits inside us, gnawing away at our happiness and peace of mind. Often we stuff things, because when we try to talk about them, it seems like it makes things worse. But stuffing for too long usually ends up in passive aggressive behaviors or outright blow ups. The solution is to learn how to communicate better.

1. Do not try to talk when you are emotional.
2. Tell the other person you want to discuss something and ask if it is a good time. If not, then set up a time to talk.
3. Do not use accusatory language, such as "You are doing this." It comes across as blaming.
4. Instead, use language that expresses how you feel. "When this happens, it makes me feel upset, lonely, guilty, frustrated."
5. Ask for help in coming up with a solution that works for both of you, or suggest an idea to try that you think may help.
6. Make sure you spend some time listening to the other person's views as well and that you get agreement around the solution.
7. Take a deep breath and thank the person for listening and for helping with the solution.

For myself, I consider successfully talking to someone about what is bothering me a huge win for the day. I am not carrying it around. I don't have to vent to someone else to release the tension. I was direct and assertive and interested in creating a win/win situation between myself and my partner. I no longer have a weight on my chest or a knot in my gut. So often our emotional pain causes our physical problems down the road. Tension in a relationship erodes at our support and makes our hard days harder.

New Year's Resolutions Require Willpower and Persistence

I want to remind everybody that this is the perfect time of year to be planning your new goals!! Winter is the beginning of a new cycle. Often however, your physical energy for change is a little low this time of year. The solution is to draft a plan that goes out for several months. Set modest goals in support of your New Year's Resolutions in January and February and be patient with yourself. The main thing you need to do this time of year is to eat warmer, heartier foods and get lots of sleep! So don't beat yourself up if you don't go running every day at 7 or if you are dying to eat a hamburger! This is normal winter behavior. Set slightly more ambitious goals for March and April. Keep your New Year's Resolution alive by writing your goals on the calendar and remember that Spring is the time when all things burst with energy. If you have rested and dreamed properly for the winter - then you should be ready to really kick your goal into high gear as the weather warms!

Good luck and please feel free to call and schedule a free half hour consultation to learn how Acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine can support you in living your dreams in 2010!!